My little rock stars

Memoirs of my mommyhood


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The still struggling mom

Bad day in office. Tunmun’s stubbornness. Her reluctance to potty training and having milk in glass. Venky’s never-ending restlessness. I snap at the husband and kids before crashing on bed.

But sleep does not come. I keep tossing and turning. I think of myself when I was in college. I remember my friends had tagged me with the “mast” adjective because of my carefree attitude. I was the happy-go-lucky girl. Nothing bogged me down.

How could I have grown into this irritable woman ? I don’t like her. I don’t want to be her.  After five years, motherhood is still overwhelming for me. When will I get used to it?

Did I make the wrong choice? I never fathomed myself as a family person raising kids anyways. I was the one who wanted high-flying career and a carefree, no strings attached life.

Images of my still single friends and their facebook updates cross my mind. That classmate who has a diva like profile pic and a degree from a coveted school in US makes me burn in envy. Didn’t I always think I was smarter than her?

I feel miserable. What the hell am I doing here? Whose life am I leading? I suddenly get the urge to run away.

Right then, I feel a soft tug on my ear. “Momeeee..”, I hear a whisper. I roll over to the other side and Tunmun snuggles into my arms. The smile returns to my face. I sigh and relax and finally fall asleep to the sound of Tunmun’s even breathing.