At 11 pm , we are the most sleepy and Venky is the most playful. Probably because that is his most exclusive time with us and we are shower him with all our attention to get him to sleep. After playing, reading and cajoling him, I often have to put on my “strict parent” demeanor to put him to sleep.
That day was no different. Venky was in an extra playful mood and did not take my strictness to well. He threw a tantrum. Venky often uses his head as a weapon, and just bangs it on when he is angry. So, there came his head right on my cheekbone.
The sharp pain made me bury my head in the pillows. It actually took me a while to gather my senses. I could hear Venky beside me saying “mommy chot” (meaning mommy is hurt). Venky was able to realize that he had caused the damage and was trying to lift my head from the pillow.
I was too hurt and angry for his cuteness to pacify me and I pushed him back asking him to get lost. Now, Venky was howling with tears in full flow. Vibhu tried to console him but he would not stay with him. He kept coming back to me saying “mommy, mommy” and crying.
Vibhu urged me to pick him up and I reluctantly did that, still upset with him. That is when I noticed that there was a bump on his forehead. He was hurt too! Venky finally stopped crying in my lap and went off to sleep.
Later, when I discussed the bump with Vibhu, he told me that Venky had not bothered about his own pain at all. When both of us were hurt, Venky was only touching his forehead and trying to lift me up to see if I was alright. Later, when I pushed him away, he was crying because he thought that I was angry with him. Venky kept coming to me till I picked him up.
All this from a 20 mo old toddler. He was more concerned about my pain and anger when he was hurt himself. How does that make me feel? – Extremely guilty and humbled. As we grow up we unlearn to love others. We just start loving ourselves. How can I stop Venky from doing that? I guess first I’ll have to learn from him and then teach him back.
For now, I’ll just thank Venky for loving me more than I love him. Its hard to accept, but that’s a fact.
This blog post is an entry for IndusLadies mother’s day blog contest